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Tossing my $.02 in a little late
Mar. 2nd, 2005 04:03 pm...but considering the utter triviality of the subject, late isn't exactly a problem. After careful review of the Oscars with my friends Sunday night, here is my quick take on Best, Worst, and Most Predictably Dressed:
Best Dressed: Cate Blanchett. There's maybe one star in a million who could pull that outfit off, but boy did she ever. From dress to hair to accessories, she was stunning. Runners up: Emmy Rossum, who wore the perfect knock-em-dead red dress and the necklace to match; Hilary Swank, for demonstrating that you can be covered in fabric from head to toe (okay, except maybe for the back) and still show off the fact that you have a great body.
Worst Dressed Laura Linney. From the racoon-eyes makeup to the stringy, half-greased-back hair to the awful, too-frilly-and-totally-unflattering dress in absolutely the wrong color, she was an utter fright. Runners up: Lots of competition, but special nods must go to Gwyneth Paltrow for forgetting to do her hair AND not getting her bodice properly fitted (hello, Janet Jackson!); Halle Berry for having a great figure and completely misusing it; and Renee Zellwinger, who once again looked great from the tits down but had absolutely all the wrong things going on with her hair, makeup, and accessories.
...More later, must dash!
...okay, back now. On with the inconsequential!
Most Predictably Dressed: Johnny Depp. If he shows up for an awards show at all, you can always count on him to be as oddly and badly dressed as possible. I guess it's his way of protesting how stupid all these awards are or something - or maybe he just never got over the worst-looking-geek-at-the-prom stage. Runners up: Scarlett Johansson, looking 50's glamor retro as usual, although the color of her dress didn't work particularly well with the ultra bleached hair; Selma Hayek, both for the curves-hugging dress (hey, she has it, she flaunts it, good for her) AND the weird beading-detailing on the gown.
Other trivia from the evening:
The What the Heck Were They Thinking? Award, Part One: Why on earth did the Powers that Be have Beyonce Knowles sing THREE of the nominated songs? The duet would have been fine, but why the other two? Particularly the one in French? I don't have much of my French left anymore, but even I was cringing like mad at her utter mangling of the language. This was even more baffling because Vanessa Paradis was sitting right there in the audience! Hello, she's French, one of France's most popular singers - why the heck isn't SHE performing this song? If nothing else, I'm sure the audience would be curious about her if only because she's Johnny Depp's significant other. And Emmy Rossum was there - why not have her do the Phantom song? Just baffling.
The Oh, I Guess He Came In Costume Award: Antonio Banderas. When I first saw him, I thought "Oh yuck, why did he come looking like he was at a rock concert?" The loose stringy hair coming undone from the ponytail and white oversized shirt looked all wrong for attending the Academy Awards - but just right for performing with Santana. I guess he, unlike Ms. Knowles, didn't want to have to change costumes.
The What the Heck Were They Thinking? Award, Part Two: The really nasty presentation of awards out in the audience. Just awful. Hey, you're nominated for an Academy Award: the least they can do is let you sit in your own seat all evening, and take the walk up to the stage if you win. Equally nasty was the "herd them all up on stage beforehand" presentation. Talk about awkward if you don't win! News flash to the directors of the show: it's not worth the alleged time-saving.
The That's One Way to Hide a Cane Award: Melanie Griffith. Wear a dress so ugly no one notices your foot cast or your cane (or your oddly-dressed SO, the aforementioned Antonio Banderas).
The Stupidest Ongoing Fashion Trend Award, Part One: The lack of necklaces, particularly with chest-baring dresses that really cry out for necklace adornment. This is THE glamor event, people. Get Harry to loan you some sparklers, or wear a dress that doesn't require a necklace to look finished (see Cate Blanchett, Hilary Swank).
The Stupidest Ongoing Fashion Trend Award, Part Two: Chandelier earrings that completely overpower the faces (and ears) of the women wearing them. Hello, no one looks good with her earlobes stretched two inches. It's particularly aggravating when seen in conjunction with the lack-of-needed-necklace trend.
The Stupidest Ongoing Fashion Trend Award, Part Three: Forgetting to do your hair and/or makeup in keeping with the occasion. You're wearing glamourous gowns or tuxes, folks. Don't forget to wash your hair, shave, put on makeup, get the right accessories, and so on. Putting on the fabulous duds when the rest of you looks like you just came from the gym is just dumb.
Okay, that's more than enough silliness for one entry!
Best Dressed: Cate Blanchett. There's maybe one star in a million who could pull that outfit off, but boy did she ever. From dress to hair to accessories, she was stunning. Runners up: Emmy Rossum, who wore the perfect knock-em-dead red dress and the necklace to match; Hilary Swank, for demonstrating that you can be covered in fabric from head to toe (okay, except maybe for the back) and still show off the fact that you have a great body.
Worst Dressed Laura Linney. From the racoon-eyes makeup to the stringy, half-greased-back hair to the awful, too-frilly-and-totally-unflattering dress in absolutely the wrong color, she was an utter fright. Runners up: Lots of competition, but special nods must go to Gwyneth Paltrow for forgetting to do her hair AND not getting her bodice properly fitted (hello, Janet Jackson!); Halle Berry for having a great figure and completely misusing it; and Renee Zellwinger, who once again looked great from the tits down but had absolutely all the wrong things going on with her hair, makeup, and accessories.
...More later, must dash!
...okay, back now. On with the inconsequential!
Most Predictably Dressed: Johnny Depp. If he shows up for an awards show at all, you can always count on him to be as oddly and badly dressed as possible. I guess it's his way of protesting how stupid all these awards are or something - or maybe he just never got over the worst-looking-geek-at-the-prom stage. Runners up: Scarlett Johansson, looking 50's glamor retro as usual, although the color of her dress didn't work particularly well with the ultra bleached hair; Selma Hayek, both for the curves-hugging dress (hey, she has it, she flaunts it, good for her) AND the weird beading-detailing on the gown.
Other trivia from the evening:
The What the Heck Were They Thinking? Award, Part One: Why on earth did the Powers that Be have Beyonce Knowles sing THREE of the nominated songs? The duet would have been fine, but why the other two? Particularly the one in French? I don't have much of my French left anymore, but even I was cringing like mad at her utter mangling of the language. This was even more baffling because Vanessa Paradis was sitting right there in the audience! Hello, she's French, one of France's most popular singers - why the heck isn't SHE performing this song? If nothing else, I'm sure the audience would be curious about her if only because she's Johnny Depp's significant other. And Emmy Rossum was there - why not have her do the Phantom song? Just baffling.
The Oh, I Guess He Came In Costume Award: Antonio Banderas. When I first saw him, I thought "Oh yuck, why did he come looking like he was at a rock concert?" The loose stringy hair coming undone from the ponytail and white oversized shirt looked all wrong for attending the Academy Awards - but just right for performing with Santana. I guess he, unlike Ms. Knowles, didn't want to have to change costumes.
The What the Heck Were They Thinking? Award, Part Two: The really nasty presentation of awards out in the audience. Just awful. Hey, you're nominated for an Academy Award: the least they can do is let you sit in your own seat all evening, and take the walk up to the stage if you win. Equally nasty was the "herd them all up on stage beforehand" presentation. Talk about awkward if you don't win! News flash to the directors of the show: it's not worth the alleged time-saving.
The That's One Way to Hide a Cane Award: Melanie Griffith. Wear a dress so ugly no one notices your foot cast or your cane (or your oddly-dressed SO, the aforementioned Antonio Banderas).
The Stupidest Ongoing Fashion Trend Award, Part One: The lack of necklaces, particularly with chest-baring dresses that really cry out for necklace adornment. This is THE glamor event, people. Get Harry to loan you some sparklers, or wear a dress that doesn't require a necklace to look finished (see Cate Blanchett, Hilary Swank).
The Stupidest Ongoing Fashion Trend Award, Part Two: Chandelier earrings that completely overpower the faces (and ears) of the women wearing them. Hello, no one looks good with her earlobes stretched two inches. It's particularly aggravating when seen in conjunction with the lack-of-needed-necklace trend.
The Stupidest Ongoing Fashion Trend Award, Part Three: Forgetting to do your hair and/or makeup in keeping with the occasion. You're wearing glamourous gowns or tuxes, folks. Don't forget to wash your hair, shave, put on makeup, get the right accessories, and so on. Putting on the fabulous duds when the rest of you looks like you just came from the gym is just dumb.
Okay, that's more than enough silliness for one entry!
