The ubiquitousness of perpetual motion

[jaunthie]

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I had a nice dinner and catch-up session with my sister this weekend. At one point we were talking about what we were up to and what we had coming up, and I mentioned that I was really looking forward to the upcoming garden show and getting going on the yard again. She gave me a rather odd look and said something along the lines of "I don't know how you find time for it all."


This startled the heck out of me. You have to understand, this is my sister the ex-Marine talking, the woman who's almost never home because she's either working or doing all sorts of other things, like training for bike races or doing insane workouts or meeting up with a friend for a beer. I blinked, thought about it, and realized that nope, I really didn't understand what she meant. "I don't know what you mean." (Note: I'm not exactly a conversational wit, particularly when I'm confused.)

"You do so many things!" my sister said. "I was talking about it with (mutual acquaintance S), and we both agreed that we have no idea how you manage to do all the things you do. The writing, the photography, the gardening, working out, making and canning stuff, baking, not to mention working full-time and then some... You do so much!"

"I don't do all that much," I objected, feeling embarrassed, and also wanting to set the record straight. After all, it's not like I'm a regular baker, or as if I indulge in canning more than a few times a year. "And I'm no busier than you. You do a ton of stuff too."

My sister looked at me with her don't-play-stupid expression. "No. No, I don't, and neither do most people."

fisherbear nodded in agreement, much to my surprise. "She's right, you know."


I was, and remain, somewhat confused by this. I don't deny that I live a busy life, and gods know that I really wish I had more time to do the things I like/want to do (more writing, more photography, get back into things I've given up for time reasons over the years, such as quilting and singing and dance, that kind of thing). I certainly wouldn't object to finding myself independently wealthy and able to redirect the time and energy I currently put into my job into other interests.

However, I also think that's true for everyone else. Everyone I know always has more to do than time to do it in. Everyone I know has interests they pursue, whether it's creative (writing, singing, acting, painting, directing, making documentaries, making music videos) or social (running 4-H, acting on advisory boards, volunteering, participating in political campaigns, subscribing to live performance art) or physical (running 5ks, participating in walks/runs/bike rides for charity, gardening, hiking, hunting, snowshoeing, mountain climbing). Most people I know do multiple creative, social, and physical things. Everyone I know could put together a portfolio or CV of their "interest" work, whether it's a collection of stories they've written, a wall display of entry numbers they've worn in races, or a resume of parts they've acted. Similarly, almost everyone I know has to squeeze in whatever interests or activities they want to pursue into whatever spare hours they can find away from the job that pays the rent, frequently multitasking if that's what it takes. I only know a few people who don't work a paying job, and they're generally just as busy doing other things (like taking care of elderly parents or running households) as they would be if they were working for Corporation X. They squeeze in their interests into the odd hours just like everyone else. Everyone I know does this. No exceptions, or at least none that I can think of.

So do I just hang out with a bunch of overachievers? fisherbear thinks this is the case, but I'm not convinced. I think we live in a world of perpetual motion, where time is constantly in short supply and everyone is busy doing something. And it's not like I don't spend some evenings crashed out on the sofa watching silly television or reading a book (or more usually, both), because I do, and I know my friends and family and acquaintances do too. It comes at the cost of not doing something else, but again, that's true for everyone.

So what do you think? If you know me, do you think that I'm pretty typical for our society in terms of interests and busy-ness, or atypical? Do I hang out with a bunch of overachieving types, or are most people jamming their interests into their non-work, non-sleep hours? And if you don't know me, I'm very curious to know your outside perspective on all this.

Leave your thoughts in comments, and let's start a discussion around this.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Being that I interact with people from a large number of socioeconomic and educational strata, I agree with fisherbear that you hang out with a bunch of overachievers.
I could make the same type of hobbies/outside interests/commitments lists about myself, my husband, my family, and the vast majority of my friends.
OTOH, I also (through work generally), regularly interact with people whose idea of a big evening is a trip to the movies. I have often found that a great number of the people I see/work with on a daily basis are plonked in front of the teevee watching American Idol or parked at their computer playing online games or surfing the net in their off time.
I honestly think it has to do with exposure to the types of people that we represent. No disrespect meant to your (scary buff, sharp shooting ex-Marine) sister of course, she had much the same upbringing and exposure to life that you did growing up. And I think she underestimates her real life (i.e. outside of work) activities.
People with whom I have spoken that are amazed at the number of things with which I manage to stuff my days, for the most part never realized that EVERYone doesn't spend their evenings in front of the telly and their weekends hung over or at a f'ball game.
Just as I never realized, and Zeus knows have never understood, how they can.

--J

[jaunthie.livejournal.com]

"I could make the same type of hobbies/outside interests/commitments lists about myself, my husband, my family, and the vast majority of my friends."

You're darn tootin' you could. You and your entire family (not to mention crew of buddies) fit right into what I was saying. So I guess that makes us all overachievers? Or is that just normal, and it's the people you mention mostly from work that are the abberations?

I agree with you that my sister grossly underestimates her "real life" activities, although she also has a job that keeps her insanely busy and travelling a lot. I think that colors her perceptions of how much "real life" she has.

[monkeybard]

So do I just hang out with a bunch of overachievers?

Speaking as one of them--one who feels too busy every day and yet also feels she accomplishes very little each day--I cry and unequivocal YES. You do hang out with over achievers. Exhausted overachievers, as a matter of fact. Sure we take planned downtime occasionally (mmm...spa day!), but like a college roommate of mine who used to write her rare naps on the calendar so she wouldn't miss them, those times are PLANNED, they are infrequent, they are treasured because we don't have, or don't take, enough proper downtime on a daily, or even weekly, basis.

Am I just feeling this way because sleep between 3:30 and 7am has been elusive of late? Maybe. Or maybe it's because I've had outside commitments nine out of the past ten days, including tonight. Or maybe, just maybe, I like nearly everyone I know, am juggling too many things and it's just a matter of time before something hits the ground and breaks. I only hope it's not me.

[jaunthie.livejournal.com]

"one who feels too busy every day and yet also feels she accomplishes very little each day"

Oh, ouch! I know the feeling. I'm sorry that insommnia is wreaking havoc with you.

I don't argue the tired. Goodness knows that it's also ubiquitous - perhaps even endemic - in our society. I think that's pretty normal, too. Do you know anyone who *isn't* regularly tired? And I'm not just talking about our friends. It seems to me that most everyone is tired, city, state, and nationwide. And we all can't be overachievers, can we - unless maybe overachieving is the new normal? I don't know.

Or maybe it's just the economy and the accumulated fatigue of the last years that's making everyone tired. Hard to say.

[hiker-chick.livejournal.com]

--As I said to you in person, I think that people who spend a relatively small amount of time on a larger number of activities often seem busier than those who really focus on a single interest.

--Overachieving sometimes serves the *same* purpose as watching a lot of TV, etc. in terms of trying to escape from one's own feelings. Or those of a spouse or other housemate.

--In contrast, it's also easier to have a larger, more diverse set of interests/hobbies if one *doesn't* have children in the house. I'm not saying that parents are less busy than childless folk, merely that one rarely sees journal posts about how many diapers someone changed last weekend or how many toys s/he picked up and put away.

[jaunthie.livejournal.com]

You make a lot of excellent points. Much food for thought...

[sunkrux.livejournal.com]

I would be the underachiever in your group. But that's because I'm lazy. I rarely do a 10th of the stuff you do. Of course, now that I live in a slightly less safe neighborhood than my old one in Seattle, I'm less inclined to do much that would require me walking anywhere or back to my place after dark. And since parking is such a bear here, I don't drive much after work or on the weekends.

On rare occasions I do drive to visit the evil twinny, but that's not as often as I'd like. I suspect she's just as busy as you though. Like I said, I'm just lazy. I'm the oddball.

[jaunthie.livejournal.com]

Piffle. You write and act and make user icons and collages, at least you do when you have the opportunity to do so. Yes, moving to where you did has put the kibosh on many of your activities (and thereby probably aggravates your feelings of frustration and "I don't do much" which in turn reinforces a lot of negative feeling, none of which is good for you). But that's a problem of location, not inclination.

[sunkrux.livejournal.com]

Naw, really I am just lazy. It's nothing to play around in Photoshop (as you probably know). I haven't written in months (and I should since I need to finish that fic) or acted in ages (unless you count my acting like I enjoy working for a living). ;)

So yes, I am lazy. I've always been lazy. But most of the time I'm okay with that. I like my lazy time. :D