I have a truly awesome brother
Nov. 25th, 2009 09:18 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jaunthieSorry for the lack of updates, but I've been in serious deadline hell, and will be through the end of the day today, after which is Thanksgiving, then the rush to the end of the month, and...
Anyhow, I haven't been doing a great job of keeping up on things, and I've been cranky to boot. Sometimes I do a better job than others in keeping all the balls in the air, but with everything else that has happened this month, the journal has taken a back seat.
But then I got an email from my brother, who is at least as busy as I am, I'm sure. But he still took time to write this down and send it to me, and it made me laugh until I cried. So I'm going to share it with you, along with publicly proclaiming that I really do have an amazingly wonderful bro. Thanks, dude.
Jacques' Revenge
A True Story, as related by my brother
I believe the year was 1994, but even after checking with Mom and Dad, none of us are completely certain. Regardless, it was the mid 1990s, and I was in college but home for the summer. You and humilitas were gallivanting around Europe for 3 weeks, and Jacques was staying with us at the house.
At that point, I would venture to say that Jacques and I were almost exactly the same age on an adjusted cat/human lifetime scale. Both of us were emerging from the fog of adolescence, but still searching for the clear path to adult life. But I’m afraid that is where the similarities between us ended. Jacques was a cautious, stealthy ninja cat with hyper-vigilant survival instincts that, to the untrained eye, could have been perceived as cowardice. But those of us who were acquainted with him knew better. I, as you remember, was quite the opposite - a loud, heavy footed, reckless college kid who had survival instincts that would occasionally make Darwin himself scratch his head.
Needless to say, Jacques made an extra effort to avoid me during our three weeks together. I must have been as soothing to him as a herd of elephants every time I came in the door. That must have driven him crazy, so he just chose to stay out of sight. So after the first few days in our house, I had totally forgotten that there was a cat at our residence because I never saw him. The same was true into the second week, and well into the third. In fact, he didn’t show himself to me until the very last night before you returned from Europe. This is when Jacques got his revenge on me for three weeks of herd-of-elephants hell.
There I was, about 12:30 at night watching a very scary movie in the family room. Ironically, the movie I was watching was Pet Cemetery, based on the novel by Steven King. In case you haven’t seen it, all you really need to know that there a few scenes with a demonic zombie cat. Now keep in mind I was watching it on TV, so it was a re-run of a movie I had already seen and therefore was taking comfort in the fact that I could anticipate the startling moments. But what I wasn’t able to anticipate was that there was a vengeful ninja-cat patiently waiting underneath my chair for the opportune moment to strike.
Without getting into the predictable animal intelligence debate, let’s just say that I sincerely believe that Jacques knew exactly what he was doing. Right down to the timing. Just as I was beginning to prepare myself for the scene when the demonic zombie cat leaps out of the closet at our hero…THUMP! Jacques explodes out from under my chair and lands in the one right next to me. Maybe not a zombie, but certainly a real life cat with demon-like intentions.
To say that I was startled by this would be an understatement of galactic proportions. At the height of my surprise, there must have been at least 18 inches of space between my terrified butt and the chair. To this day, I sometimes wonder what my EKG would have looked like right at the moment Jacques leaped out from under me. Then I realize it’s all moot, because had I been strapped to an EKG machine just then, it surely would have exploded. All I really know is that whatever my lifespan is supposed to be, you can now officially subtract 5 years from it.
For better or for worse, there is an indelible image in my mind of the late Jacques. Whenever I think of him, I will always picture him perched in that chair, with those giant yellow eyes beaming at me with what can only be described in a single word…
Satisfaction.
Indeed, Jacques got his revenge.
Yes, that was Jacques, all right.
Anyhow, I haven't been doing a great job of keeping up on things, and I've been cranky to boot. Sometimes I do a better job than others in keeping all the balls in the air, but with everything else that has happened this month, the journal has taken a back seat.
But then I got an email from my brother, who is at least as busy as I am, I'm sure. But he still took time to write this down and send it to me, and it made me laugh until I cried. So I'm going to share it with you, along with publicly proclaiming that I really do have an amazingly wonderful bro. Thanks, dude.
Jacques' Revenge
A True Story, as related by my brother
I believe the year was 1994, but even after checking with Mom and Dad, none of us are completely certain. Regardless, it was the mid 1990s, and I was in college but home for the summer. You and humilitas were gallivanting around Europe for 3 weeks, and Jacques was staying with us at the house.
At that point, I would venture to say that Jacques and I were almost exactly the same age on an adjusted cat/human lifetime scale. Both of us were emerging from the fog of adolescence, but still searching for the clear path to adult life. But I’m afraid that is where the similarities between us ended. Jacques was a cautious, stealthy ninja cat with hyper-vigilant survival instincts that, to the untrained eye, could have been perceived as cowardice. But those of us who were acquainted with him knew better. I, as you remember, was quite the opposite - a loud, heavy footed, reckless college kid who had survival instincts that would occasionally make Darwin himself scratch his head.
Needless to say, Jacques made an extra effort to avoid me during our three weeks together. I must have been as soothing to him as a herd of elephants every time I came in the door. That must have driven him crazy, so he just chose to stay out of sight. So after the first few days in our house, I had totally forgotten that there was a cat at our residence because I never saw him. The same was true into the second week, and well into the third. In fact, he didn’t show himself to me until the very last night before you returned from Europe. This is when Jacques got his revenge on me for three weeks of herd-of-elephants hell.
There I was, about 12:30 at night watching a very scary movie in the family room. Ironically, the movie I was watching was Pet Cemetery, based on the novel by Steven King. In case you haven’t seen it, all you really need to know that there a few scenes with a demonic zombie cat. Now keep in mind I was watching it on TV, so it was a re-run of a movie I had already seen and therefore was taking comfort in the fact that I could anticipate the startling moments. But what I wasn’t able to anticipate was that there was a vengeful ninja-cat patiently waiting underneath my chair for the opportune moment to strike.
Without getting into the predictable animal intelligence debate, let’s just say that I sincerely believe that Jacques knew exactly what he was doing. Right down to the timing. Just as I was beginning to prepare myself for the scene when the demonic zombie cat leaps out of the closet at our hero…THUMP! Jacques explodes out from under my chair and lands in the one right next to me. Maybe not a zombie, but certainly a real life cat with demon-like intentions.
To say that I was startled by this would be an understatement of galactic proportions. At the height of my surprise, there must have been at least 18 inches of space between my terrified butt and the chair. To this day, I sometimes wonder what my EKG would have looked like right at the moment Jacques leaped out from under me. Then I realize it’s all moot, because had I been strapped to an EKG machine just then, it surely would have exploded. All I really know is that whatever my lifespan is supposed to be, you can now officially subtract 5 years from it.
For better or for worse, there is an indelible image in my mind of the late Jacques. Whenever I think of him, I will always picture him perched in that chair, with those giant yellow eyes beaming at me with what can only be described in a single word…
Satisfaction.
Indeed, Jacques got his revenge.
Yes, that was Jacques, all right.
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Date: 2009-11-25 06:09 pm (UTC)*Hugs*
Happy Turkey Day!
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