Hmmm

[jaunthie]

It's an odd thing. I'm a pretty mellow person, most of the time, and I try to avoid wishing ill on anyone as a matter of general principle. Yes, even when I think they really do deserve it. No need to bring that kind of negativitity in my life, or as another friend put it, I don't particularly want to get my soul sticky. It's difficult to wash.

And usually, it's not all that hard for me to avoid wishing ill. Like I said, I'm pretty mellow, at least in that way.

This week, though... This week, I found myself saying of a particular person: "I hate to say this, but I really do wish so-and-so would just drop dead already." And I meant it. Which is very disconcerting, but a true statement in both parts: I *do* hate to say it, but I also think that the world would be MUCH better off without this person in it.

Now I just need to digest the fact that I really do feel this way.

And on top of that, I also had word this week that someone else had passed on. To which my immediate response was *not quite* "Good, I hope so-and-so is enjoying toasting in Hell" - but almost. Certainly I know that this person did horrible things and believe that s/he earned whatever karma or horrible afterlife or lousy next life or whatever you believe, in full measure.

Which again isn't really my usual reaction to hearing of a death. And I'm still not sure how I feel about my reaction, either.

I have a terrible suspicion that I'm getting horribly judgemental in my old age. Time to work on charity and understanding and tolerance and letting go - again. (A lifelong struggle, I'm afraid, but I do try.)

But really. The first person can drop dead right now. That person is WAY overdue for a date with the hereafter.

(And where did I leave the detergent again? I think my soul's getting tacky. Not quite sticky yet, but...)

Comments

[sunkrux.livejournal.com]

You are not a horrible person for any of those thoughts. Some of us have them from time to time. *hugs*

[jaunthie.livejournal.com]

Good to know. :-)

[sunkrux.livejournal.com]

You're good people period. Having those thoughts does not make you horrible in any way what so ever. Trust me. *hugs*

[(Anonymous)]

Mph.

You really don't work with the public at large very often do you?

I'm afraid that I, and a goodly chunk of my professional colleagues, have thoughts ranging from "Why don't you drop dead already?" to "I hope you're enjoying roasting in Hell!" quite often.

I don't think I was a thoroughly cynical misanthrope when I was younger, but exposure to the general public, or at least the vast portion of those that own pets, has made me so.

*Wishing for a world where I could do what I do and not have to be exposed to idiotic Ukranians and their wild children, dotty Southern Belles who can't tell tall and long brown hair from short and short black hair, and pushy drug reps who can't believe that my receptionist drives a nicer car than I do.*

--J

[jaunthie.livejournal.com]

It's true, I don't work with the public very often. And I can certainly understand that constant exposure to the public would result in frequent thoughts of mayhem and destruction about said public when constantly confronted by stupidity, selfishness, and willful ignorance. I get that.

It's the "wow, the world would be better off without your evil scumsucking presence" thoughts about people I've never even met that worry me. It's so very easy to objectify and dehumanize the "other." I don't want to let myself fall victim to that particular trap any more than I have already.

[monkeybard]

Re: the death you mentioned: My reaction was giddy delight so powerful that I was shaking with it. Of course, I'd had a rough week up to that point, so the news was quite literally the best I'd had all week.

People suck. It is simply the way that it is. Love individuals who deserve it and let the rest of humanity f**k itself.

Why, yes, I have been a thoroughly cynical misanthrope (to steal J's most excellent phrasing) for more than 20 years now.